Gather the pitchforks

I feel that its true. I can see it all so clearly now. I am the monster I so clearly feared of being. I never run when I should, and It seems I run when I shouldn't. I can't stand my own image. I walked only a couple of blocks and I started spitting up blood. I thought maybe just maybe this is the punishment I have so rightfully earned. Unfortunately it ended nearly as quickly as it began. I just think back to the times I've done this and the people who should scorn me just say its ok. and when I try to let them know how wrong it is they just hold on and say stay. I ran this time. I fear I did worse damage to the relationship in my own reaction to my vileness rather than the impact of the vileness itself. I tried to fulfill my promise and made a pair of calls later to no response. I need to be locked up and the key needs to be thrown away.