Adventure, Excitement...Get me out of here

Here I am, sunny Florida, about to set sail for a cruise that will last over the next week or more. I am really excited but at the same time I really don't want to spend this time with my family. More specifically my brother. It is hour nine of this trip and I'm already muttering shut the fuck up. hopefully I can give updates from the ship if not, expect a major rant mid-two weeks from now.


Chris out, bitches!

Day 1- On board the ship

Here we are aboard the millenium. I've already had one case of sea sickness. yep. At dinner I ate elbow to elbow with some people from the other side of the class war. and on top of that, lost $20 at the black jack table. A good start if I would say so myself. No ladies really thus far, but I have a hard time not running out of the night club. further updates to come.

Day 2-just about the same

Today was formal night so we had to wear suits and the such. I had some tasty ice cream and sushi today. I lost another $30 at the black jack table. Damn you casino. I have yet to actually really speak to a fellow passenger of the female persuasion. Well except I was holding an elevator for two girls and well I didn't notice since I myself just stepped in, but there was vomit in there, They thought it was mine. Smooth Chris, real smooth. My parents bought me a Stan Lee autograhed and numbered spider-man litho. It was $600 but appraised at $1900. bitchin. I look at some watches. Prices are pretty good here in the middle of the sea. I hope to have some better news tommorrow.

I'm Out!

btw the night club is teh gay.

Day 3- Ups and downs

well today we docked in the dominican republic. Took a tour of the providence of La Romana. Its funny how different the outside world is from the us. Their system of traffic is mind boggling. I came back to the ship. Ate dinner with Dan and Sheila or Shelly, shit forgot their names again, and Peter and his wife, class war rivals, Peter and his wife were celebrating their 54th anniversary. Yep. he spoke about world war 2 and his time in the french underground. After that I went to the casino and won $20 at black jack. I could have gone for more but F THAT. I left a winner tonight. To celebrate I purchased a nice pair of sunglasses. I went back to the room to find my brother and father had gone to play basketball . I was going to join them but they just came back, Alex offered to play me. after I beat him 10-0, we headed back to the cabin. He was doing something at the desk. I tossed him his formal shirt since he left it on my bed. He threw it back at me and called me faggot. Man does that piss me off when people call me gay or faggot. Either way. I tie his shirt around his waist and said AH- HA try to get out. he bent down to untie it but I get him in a head lock. Big Brotherly rough housing ensues! I got him pinned on the floor and I bending a couple fingers back no farther then when I just crack my knuckled and I'm calling for him to cry UNCLE or atleast my name. When he starts calling me faggot again. This time I slap him in the forehead for every comment not uncle or chris. WEll-hell he starts trying punch me and kick me and he looks like he is about to cry. and I'm thinking, "christ, I don't really want to seriously hurt this boy." so I let him go. He shoves me over and starts kicking and wailing on me with his fists. I promptly laughing with every blow, kid can inflict pain thats for sure. after a minute or so I decide to end this. 2 punches to knock the wind out of him and a belly flop to keep him subdued. well now hes acting seriously hurt(hes not). I just get sick of it. SO I put him on his bed and tease him a little, AH wanna bed time story, need tucked in. He starts to kick me again, So I scream, when are you gonna grow up man. I didn't hurt you. He responds with when are you going to grow up. I promptly respond with never. Well I decide fuck this. I say good night and that I hope not to see him tommorrow. I think they day after we'd both be wound down. Well He runs to the 'rents room. FUCK. well after sleeping for about an hour. Mom and dad return. I guess he got talked to. But my mom then comes to speak with me. I wake up feeling guilty and I've decided this whole cruise act sucks!!!! my brother has his teen group, my parents have each other. I wander the ship alone at night. So I say to her, I deserve everything she is going to say to me, but I really don't feel like leaving this cabin for the remainder of this trip. She slams the door and Screams that shes gonna be babysitting tonight. I go to bed. I wake up and sit on my patio for awhile trying to think of a proper next step. well I'm going to go speak to my mother rationally. I go knock on her door to speak with her, She jumps up from the couch next to my bed and yells what. And I said I wished to speak with her, at this point I said, "well I had a plan for speaking to you but you just scared me out of it." humor should helped me. She angrily replies, "Don't whine!". I'm fucked so I think. At this point I just asked, "how do you think I should apologize to him?" She replies "I don't know and don't bother me." YAH FAMILY FUCKING VACATION!!!! So after trying to find my shoes I go to the nightclub, the only place open at this hour and do some work on my laptop, and update this blog.

At this point I feel like I don't deserve anything I've been given on this trip and I kinda don't want this. BUT if I say this I'm really gonna be up shit creek. What do I do? I hate it here. Money spending seems to have no consequence. its like some fake wonderland. I don't like it. I want to go home. Face being poor, wondering what kind of shitty meal will sam and I prepare tonight. More than that I want to be away from my family. I miss the simple sense of loneliness, versus this loneliness and I've just pissed those who care about me off.

GET ME OFF OF THIS BOAT!!!


Days 4 and 5- A return to normalcy or atleast as close as I've seen

we took port in Puerto Rico on Wednesday. My mother acted like nothing had ever happened. Lost money in the casino. sam old same. Thursday we took port in Saint Thomas. I didn't leave the ship, I stayed and watched Sky Captain. my mother said she could have hooked me up. I'd rather fail miserably on my own. I'm almost out of this place!!!

Days 6 and 7- I'm posting mid seven since I'm probably going to be busy all night tonight with packing and whats not. ANYWAY. Lost money, talked to a girl, not my normal girl. My mommy found her for me. But its the final days of this trip so doesn't really matter. I will be home on monday. I can't wait to see all my friends again. I'm out bitches.

...But theres more

People tell me to be myself, its a rather simple idea isn't it? But who am I? this is a question I find that I ask myself more every day. I'm not the guy who just blabbers on nonsensically, am I? In truth, I have come to realize that in fact thats not me, well not completely me, I'm just afraid of the rest of me. I know that must sound silly, hell, I think it sounds silly but there is something to that.

Three years ago I had my heart broken and I whined to everyone about it and they grudgingly agreeded, often not by choice, to listen to me. After three years I've come to realize that I'm still just as big as an emotional mess and I'm scared shitless about life as a whole, as well as myself. I wish I could somehow call everyone who has listened to me and thank them, unfortunately that is not possible. In these three years I've done little more than talk about myself and because of this I have burnt so many bridges with my friends, because all I did was care about myself and little about them. Thats a run on sentance ladies and gentlemen. People used to say, "I love you." I would scowl and tell them not so politely, to never say that to me again. I know now that there are many kinds of love, but still those words just rub me the wrong way.

Dear god I'm ranting about myself again.

So what do you do?

Oh thats interesting.

No I don't care much for that place either.

But back to the point, I've created this bad habit that I act like a fool and just rant to no end. It because I'm frightened to let people know who I am, and more importantly I'm afraid of the thoughts in my head. I'm envious to those out there without this problem.

To those who know me, and continue to talk to me, I just want to say thank you. All of you that have been there, You have no idea how much it means to me.