Update, Nothing makes Sense!!!!

So My life is way off base and I don't know anything.

1) Girl Problems (yes me)

So I have recently ranted about lisha, I miss her, alot more than I should. I almost felt normal again with her around that one weekend. I miss that feeling so much. But we have only talked once since that weekend, reenforcing that feeling that she doesn't like me. She recently made a post about chris rambling alot. And if it wasn't for the msn comment I would have taken it personally, but thankfully I don't use msn so its not me not that it matters. Whatever.

Acklyn, a new contender, we kind of met one day and shes really nice, very religious. Religion scares me. I'm not sure what to make of this girl. I don't feel like I connect to her at all. She knows nothing of the things most important to me. I was supposed to call her over easter weekend. I didn't do it, not sure why.

Gilly?! Whats this. The most interesting aspect of it yet. Appearently she broke up with her boyfriend and has seriously mellowed out. She is basically like the dream girl. James offered to try to set me up with her. Intriguing.....

but I like LISHA and she doesn't like me so what does it matter. I hate being avoided....

2) moving out.

I have to be out of this apartment by thursday and I'm way behind the curve. I'm kind of afraid to leave this fantasy world that I have constructed behind.

3)Trike Racing.

I'll have a link for this soon.

Update: Photos of Monday Night Trikes!@!@!

I just used to say that was hoping to find someone to cry at my funeral. Well I don't care about that right now. I want someone who wouldn't mind spending their time with me, you know smoetime in the near future, we'll see.

Realization

I'm only taking the gun to my own foot here. I need to shut up! And yet I post this. Way to go Chris.

Remorse

I have hit this string where I just want to write. Its really weird, considering I hate writing. Its just something I am not good at. I'm not really good at anything but thats a different topic all together, hell, it still might get covered.

I think more and more about these last two posts and what they mean, and I read her blog and it blows my mind to see this thing 360, or atleast 270. I AM A JERK!!!! Or just a downright terrible human being. I really like to see that Rusty has failed, but was this of his own design? Am I just a puppet in some sort of game with one person at the chess board? I wouldn't be a puppet then I would be a pawn... Alas I'm ranting.

Last night I took Peter to slocum's for his b-day. We met up with Mac and Reed and all those other people...there. I don't think they like me, I wouldn't like me, I don't like me. After the evening I was driving peter home and we were talking about his gf and their plans to go to Colorado this weekend. He brought up lisha, and asked if I, "was gonna go for it?". I explained how it doesn't matter and in the end the answer is no.

Its funny I have been trying to master the art of saying lisha, not Alisha or in this case Elisha, it comes out lisa alot. Why am I even doing that, it doesn't MATTER!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH!@!@!@! (scream).

I tend to make a mountain out of an ant mound. My mother made the off hand comment the other day that when I fall in love its full on no ifs ands or buts. Now I'm not saying that I love this person I just met. That would be rediculous. Really really stupid but I'm starting to worry that this is quickly becoming a mountain for me and I know deep down its not even close. Never will be.

There is nothing to like about me, I have no redeeming qualities, other than playing the fool I seem to be good at that. I have no real skills or trades of any kind. If there is something I am decent at, I can promise you I have an acquintance(sp?) that is ten times better. They say that the world is a stage. Well my part is extra in the crowd seen. I'm not a player in this little drama. I'm gonna quietly die one day and its not going to affect anyone. It will go unnoticed and maybe someone just might wonder and will quickly kill their curiousity with some refeshing glass of lemonade or something lame like that.

I need a real journal. Because this sharing my personal thoughts online is kind of a scary thought. Ahh fuck it.

Party Crowd Scene Guy #1 out

Fallout

Back to back blogs?! The Terror, the unimaginable horror of it all. Is this the end of the world? No, atleast I don't think so.

I have spent the past day killing rumors and making plans. Evil plans. BWAHAHAHAHAH ah HA!

I talked to Peter and the first thing he asked if something happened. I explained that I told her the truth as he already knew as from hanging out at the duplex. I don't know if I explained that my mission was public knowledge within that place. Sorry to break it here lisha. Then I explained we hung out. "Hung out til Sunday afternoon", yes hung out til sunday afternoon. No nothing happened, no she is very sweet. Why can't people except that nothing happened? We should have moved her car. Some place less public.

Yep. in addition I had a job interview today which was being talked at for 10-15 minutes. I have never had an interview that bad, but my "good" interviews haven't been working out so maybe this will work out. need money....

And now for the evil plan. It started when future roommates stopped by and asked about the bacardi on the table. I explained it and its orgins. Thanks to side tracking we talked about their exploited in Douglas. So Appearantly now we will be running rampant in Douglas on April fools. Damn I just gave it away....

Another day, another tasty debbie snack cake.

March Madness

So things have been strange.....And prompted this blog. The girl rusty had, well he put me in charge of taking care of her so he can be with his new girlfriend. Well anyway we have hung out twice now and it has gotten interesting. We're drinking last night and I get sick, lose it in front of her. She was really nice about the whole thing. I told her according to wayne's world this means she loves me. But after this I feel that she deserves the truth to know about rusty and his stupid plot or whatever. I spent the night cuddling with her and just trying to be a nice guy, The thing is, I really like her. I tried to convey this but I know she isn't interested because of two things. 1) I'm not attractive. but this is the more important one. 2) She had problem with guys like rusty before and she doesn't want to have a boyfriend or be with a guy on the rebound and well I put her on the rebound. I had her stay the night here because I did not want her driving home upset. We watched tv and cuddled some more before I took her to her car. I wish I could have met her before rusty and had the ball to ask her out. She wouldn't give me her phone number because she wanted me to find her at the metro. Its funny I frequent that place way more now because I really want to see her. Funny I gave her the address to this place. I did warn her about a rant that may be a bit personal...

She is the girl I dream of, well almost, not the full on geek. But she has the beautiful face and short hair and a great personality. I have no idea why rusty couldn't see that. I'm getting no where fast. Yep.