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She called me wanted brian's number....I hate myself. I'm so tired of being me. I just don't want to love anymore love means pain. My head rattles when I cough. It feels like my eyes have sunken in. Rusty calls. He wants answers and he wants me to know that We're still friends and I should avoid her he just thought I might like her. I told him I do like her, I wanted cry as I spoke the truth. She doesn't like me she likes brian. I bought cereal. My leg started to hurt, I wish it would break, redefine my pain give it real meaning. After she gets her things I don't know if I want to see her for awhile, I'm not sure if I want to see anything for awhile. Why do I do this to myself. I want out so bad.