Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Nature of the beast

Its strange as a young man in this world you think I would be happy with my relationship with lisha and to an extent I am but what worries me is the nature of new found title on my collar. Its the nonexclusivity, she can decide one day that she wants to be with bryan or dustin or whoever and I would technically have no say or meaning in the decision. I know Boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't dictate any kind of loyalty that would be really different but atleast you get a verbal confirmation of end of relations. Also I'm not a fan of not being able to tell my friends, guess what! Lisha and I are dating and have a wonderful relationship. Instead I have to lie and keep my sexually frustrated life sucks act up. Which is kind of hard to do when in truth I haven't been this happy in a long time. I talked with charlie about things, now he doesn't know the reaches of my relationship with elisha as I have sworn secrecy, specifically when it comes to charlie, but he gave me a piece of insight that I wish she would have heard. "Chris, Who the fuck cares what we think. If she likes you and wants to be with you why should she care what your god damned friends think. If anything we would be happy for you and her. Shit, we're happy for Jake and we hate his girlfriend." In those words is something I wish she would understand. It doesn't matter what they think, its about what we think.

Anyway that was today's main topic now for some side notes.

-In douglas, she made a quip about being single, I told her shes single by her own choice, but it recently hit me I have never actually asked her out, now if I did would that change things for the better or worse?

-She read her tarot card recently about me, I guess. I have no idea what they said, but what I understand is the cards are swayed by thought and emotion. I wonder if they predicted doomsday for her, but What would they read for me? HMMMM

-Lastly, a point that bothers me, She used to say I love you and we exchanged these wonderful words quite a bit. Lately my love yous have recieved shut ups. I wonder if its because of the new nature of our relationship or something else?

All these mysteries and more followed up next time in adventures in Melodrama!

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