Emo Boy

I spent several minutes in the bath tub today watching the way the water ripples and how those ripples intersect and destroy one another.

Sam and I drove up to Douglas this weekend, he to see Peter, and I really went to see lisha. We arriving and go to peter's apartment. I give lisha a call and she is jamming out with her sister. She gives me a call when its done. The four of us, Sam, Peter, Lisha and I play a rousing game of bocce in the park. It was way more fun than I'll ever admit to.

After this we head up to esterbrook, there we go to a very expensive steakhouse it wasn't bad, it just left me embarassed. I didn't have enough money for that place. Lisha bought my dinner, to pay me back for the aquabat ticket. The thing is I wanted that ticket to be a gift and well I screwd that up now didn't I. She reveals to me that her sister's friend Josh is up in doulas to. You see lisha's mom has been trying to set lisha up with Josh for a long time now and lisha telling me how much fun her sister, josh and her have been having, I become jealous. Its what I do. I'm competitive even though I'm not really a runner in the race. After dinner we go into the bar to get directions, Some guy in there knows lisha, asks who peter and I are, asks her if I'm her boyfriend she responds no. Cause well I'm not her boyfriend and I realize HOW MUCH THAT PISSES ME OFF ARGH! but I digress. We go back to peters, I nap in the back seat on the trip back. We get there and lisha is headed home for a bit and will be back later. I ended up just lying on the floor in peters apartment behind the couch. Peter and Sam thought I was sleeping. In truth for some reason I was crying. I get a call a couple hours later, its lisha saying shes not coming over. Yeah it just made me feel worse.

Next day I get up at seven am I really wished I could call lisha as I really just wanted to spend some one on one time with her. I wake sam up and hour and a half later we watch a couple movies, peter gets up. We decided to go to the VI and get breakfat, then sam and I would head out. I call lisha she says she gonna stop by the VI. After a long and painful experience at the VI, we finish our meals and she never showed. I get in the car and call her saying that we were done there, and I asked if it was ok for sam and I to swing out to her house to say goodbye. She said she didn't care. So we drop peter off and go over there.

When we arrive we were told shes up stairs. She was watching tv on the couch next to josh, RAGE!!! I don't think they were close or anything or it was even my god damned business but whatever. any way we talk a bit, I say we have to go. She walks us downstairs, she gives me a hug and I lift her up. She says to call when we get back to casper so shes knows I didn't die.

Heres the thing, that hug was the frst physical contact we had outside of a high five or fist slam or whatever. I really really needed it all weekend long. I get depressed when I'm in the same town as her but I don't really egt to hang out with her. Plus when we hang out in casper, all weekend its cuddling and hugging, but not in Douglas. I have a really hard time with that. I love her but I don't think she believes me or even cares to consider it anymore. But I'm a moth to the flame so I'm ready to go again this wednesday for batman, and she promised shes coming up.

Emo Boy Chris OUT