Growing up

I've decided a few things recently. I want to do right by elisha, and I want her to decide what that means. Hell she hasn't been to my house in over 3 almost 4 weeks. I want to invite her over but that would seem wrong. But to this end I have decided in the next month I will be getting a job, and once I have some spare cash I will be seeing a doctor and being put back on anti-depressants. This will be the first time since elementary school that I will seriously attempt to use these drugs. I have been perscribed them many times in my life span but never really taken them. I'm no good to anyone in my current state, including myself. I'm not suicidal by any means but this just means that I'm finding new and exciting ways to fuck up my life. I just want to be right. I'm so tired of being this way. This change won't happen because of a pill though, but because I love elisha and I don't know how she feels about me but I'm doing this for her. I want to be fixed and somewhat closer to normal for her. I'm tired of sleeping in the corner of the closet because its the darkest corner in my room and I'm embarassed to be seen by anyone. I can't behave like this.

I don't how long it'll be before this plan goes into action. I just want something else