lost and found

I have no idea why but I'm really really angry. I'm not sure if its with me or what but I know this, I HATE RUSTY FUCKING REYNOLDS.I'm fucking crazy about elisha. I drove 180 miles today just to spend time with her. Not as some big favor to her or anything but because I'm selfish. I'm just like rusty, the only difference is his good physique. He just threw her away, she won't even have me. It bothers her to she him. After all is said and through with me and elisha, she won't even remember me if she ever bumps into me. I hate being this way.

I realized a couple of days ago that I was over heather and it was so fucking odd and now I have what? A relation that I can't remember and one that doesn't really exist outside my fucking fantasy world. And I'm sick again, the good old jabbing pain is there in my side again, its a constant reminder of how weak I am. I like to pretend that I'm dying. The idea that all this pain is soon over brings me such joy.