People tell me to be myself, its a rather simple idea isn't it? But who am I? this is a question I find that I ask myself more every day. I'm not the guy who just blabbers on nonsensically, am I? In truth, I have come to realize that in fact thats not me, well not completely me, I'm just afraid of the rest of me. I know that must sound silly, hell, I think it sounds silly but there is something to that.
Three years ago I had my heart broken and I whined to everyone about it and they grudgingly agreeded, often not by choice, to listen to me. After three years I've come to realize that I'm still just as big as an emotional mess and I'm scared shitless about life as a whole, as well as myself. I wish I could somehow call everyone who has listened to me and thank them, unfortunately that is not possible. In these three years I've done little more than talk about myself and because of this I have burnt so many bridges with my friends, because all I did was care about myself and little about them. Thats a run on sentance ladies and gentlemen. People used to say, "I love you." I would scowl and tell them not so politely, to never say that to me again. I know now that there are many kinds of love, but still those words just rub me the wrong way.
Dear god I'm ranting about myself again.
So what do you do?
Oh thats interesting.
No I don't care much for that place either.
But back to the point, I've created this bad habit that I act like a fool and just rant to no end. It because I'm frightened to let people know who I am, and more importantly I'm afraid of the thoughts in my head. I'm envious to those out there without this problem.
To those who know me, and continue to talk to me, I just want to say thank you. All of you that have been there, You have no idea how much it means to me.
1 comment:
SO I meant to comment awhile ago but you know when you dont comment at first.......well it never happens. I just wanted to say I'd be there again for you. Seriously what kind of friend would I be if I wasnt. Ans who really knows how to be themselves? When I was interviewing at Werner the only thing I could come up with that I did for fun was run....yeah my boss thought I was a loser with one interest...but I'm not a runner well I am but there's lots of other parts of me I just dont know how to express them to strangers.
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