Gather the pitchforks

I feel that its true. I can see it all so clearly now. I am the monster I so clearly feared of being. I never run when I should, and It seems I run when I shouldn't. I can't stand my own image. I walked only a couple of blocks and I started spitting up blood. I thought maybe just maybe this is the punishment I have so rightfully earned. Unfortunately it ended nearly as quickly as it began. I just think back to the times I've done this and the people who should scorn me just say its ok. and when I try to let them know how wrong it is they just hold on and say stay. I ran this time. I fear I did worse damage to the relationship in my own reaction to my vileness rather than the impact of the vileness itself. I tried to fulfill my promise and made a pair of calls later to no response. I need to be locked up and the key needs to be thrown away.

Brand X

So I'm stuck with the feeling I'm in some sort of Independant movie. It may be that was what I out earlier at dusk with the shins playing, but it got me thinking. When did I become the Brand X of human beings? I don't want to go into my I don't have friends rant because I do. I just hate being on the end that is always trying to reach them. On that thought though I was thinking about Jake's recent unholy union to his new wife. What will he do when they have two kids and he finds that she has no valid opinion on anything, they have nothing in common. What I want in a woman is someone I can relate to. Someone that I have similiar interests with. That would be pretty sweet so when we find that the love isn't so hot that day we can fall back on those interests be good friends when we can't be great lovers. But when I find those qualities we end up friends and I find that my chance at a relationship is then killed. That brings me to the Brand X idea. I'm the less popular choice of single men. I am the Brand X.

Lost

I feel so terrible lost. I can only wonder if there is anything left. I'm a prisoner of my own fears. Its been monthes now and nothing has happened to me. Some would say thats good. I'm not one of them though. No unique perspective on a situation. Will I ever finally open the prison cell and let myself out?

Echos

I figured this is once again a place I can hide my thoughts. Last night I had a dream that was rediculous. It was a show we, the toy soldiers. were performing but the venue owner loathed the toy soldiers, so he made sure our set was crippled. It was very strange indeed, I was wearing a gorrila suit and acting quite apey. Brandon schulte and matt renaud were there and they were with Elisha was really weirded me out. Half way into the set she starts macking on this guy named scott. I don't know scott I don't know how I knew his name was scott but by god this six foot plus blonde haired boy's name was scott. Did I mention we opened for the epoxies? I hate the epoxies.

Its funny from time to time I still think about elisha, about how much I cared when she didn't, I don't dislike her for it. In truth I wish she could of seen things my way. I try to keep thoughts like that fleeting though.

I think I have picked up a luxury problem. Yesterday, I bought a new cell phone, today I bought a new hdtv. I hope I get the rest of my accident settlement next week or rent and bills are going to be a bit rough.

Accident Update

I thought I'd give everyone an update on my progress post accident. Turns out I'm a little more messed up physically than originally thought. It seems my body has shift to the left. My pelvis is nearly an inch higher on the left than the right. This is resulting in my back muscles being continually tight and the occasional spasm. I am currently attending physical therapy to help loosen my back and maybe straighten me out.

also to let everyone know I'm moving all my blogs to a personal site in the coming weeks at joeyselfimage.com

The more things change

I'm sitting here watching snatch on my couch right now. Its the opening sequence where they steal the gem. I hated and still hate this scene, I felt that the camera work and editing was just too far over the top. Heather never agreed with me. You see the only other time I saw this film was with her. Now those of you who are wondering why the hell I am bringing her up its quite simple. It seems that she wants to speak with me or go to lunch or something. WHY? you may be asking and her sister answered this for me. She wants to apologize for what happened between us. Which is funny because when I agreed to actually speak to her my plan was to apologize to her. Its funny the apology party that would have happened. I still hope to talk to her, straighten things out. Maybe just maybe I'll work on being a decent human being again.

Car accident

I just wanted everyone to know I was in a car accident, I suffered very minimal injuries. I only really hyper extended my right thumb. To my knowledge I was the only one to suffer any injuries. My car is totaled. I did not cause the accident. I will give a more in depth explanation once I am allowed to use my right thumb again.